Smackdown: TMZ Free Wrestling
The Growing Senility of MMA, and McMahon's role as Dr. Jack.
Since WCW's demise, I never felt that there was a need to take time out of my Thursdays to watch wrestling. Once ECW was cancelled on TNN, there was no way I was going to take a Friday off to see taped wrestling. Of course, maybe I'm just bitter that I lost my college weekends to the squared circle. 24 years of virginity and sobriety supports that argument.
Mondays just seem perfect for wrestling fans recovering from the let down by the first workday and a lousy weekend. Thankfully, we do not have to put up with the subpar wrestling that WWE has put on Monday since 2002 with the advent of DVR. No TMZ stars, too bug us. Only problem with the last episode was dealing with my nostalgia based hopes for the post Wrestlemania direction of the company.
1) Brodus Clay - The spirit of Vader.
Brodus Clay has bad tattoo taste, but definitely has potential. Too bad NXT usually means a lower midcard fate.
Wrestling has never had a massive, monster heel since Vader. Big Daddy V did not have the main eventer personality. If Alberto del Rio walks away with the heavyweight championship, and has a lengthy reign, Clay could eventually turn on the guy who will inevitably hold him down (at least for a month long program). This could free up E and C to elevate the tat titles until the two retire. Finally, Beer Money will no longer be considered a great tag team.
I'm not saying Robert Roode and James Storm are not talented. I just wish they would not have pulled the plug on the Franchised Naturals.
2) Sheamus - Celtic Ultimate Warrior.
Why did Sheamus abandon the King title? Wrestlers should not go by a first name alone. Divas are the only ones who can get away with that.
2) a. Shun WWE's Misogynists at WM.
I suppose Sheamus can go by the first name only since the Diva division is dead. I implore the IWC to walk out of Lawler vs Cole to respect the concept of women's wrestling. Jerry Lawler is not the current problem, but his history suggest that he thinks the women in the business are just rats.
Is the Lawler/Cole feud good TV? Perhaps, but this is wrestling regardless what New York's publicist say. The ideal time to take a bathroom break on April 3, 2011 is during this match. I suggest that you consume a lot of spicy food make sure you do not witness a moment of the sham. At least the Snooki six person tag match has a wrestler on each team. If I only knew the appeal of Dolph Ziggler, I may look forward to that match.
2) b. Best St. Patty's Week Ever.
After a very good match with Kofi Kinston and taking Daniel Bryan's title away, Sheamus shows that the secondary title is for superstars not cruiserweights. If New York is wise, they will just turn the IC belt into a cruiserweight division. It would be like the Mr. Perfect / Shawn Michaels era when the best, not the biggest held the championship.
3) Cody Rhodes is Vega.
I think he needs to keep the mask when he returns to being Dashing, but I suppose that is what the IWC wants. As for the lack of knee pads, the street clothes looks good on him, so the IRSesque appearance maybe the way to end the complaints. If that is the dress code for WWE anyhow, why would you want to get out of the high end clothes to only put them back on when you leave the arena.
4) Two Girls for Every Boy.
The WWE may have buried their women's division, and it sucks because they realized that two Diva's talent can equal that of one Superstar. Both the Bella Twins and Laycool gimmicks function well, and the more successful Diva gimmicks out there, the flaws of unestablished individual woman wrestlers are covered up.
Is it surprising that the division is buried? No, the McMahons are racist and misogynistic, and have always been that way. Since Linda wants a Senate seat, being the Republican ideal is important.
5) Freebird Rules.
Nexus maybe dead, but the Corre is still strong. They have international flair and could be a tag team powerhouse if they had another edge. Freebird rules also lets us see less of Heath Slater. What is special about him? What market do he bring profits from.
6) The Reason for Sin Cara.
Back to inevitable retirements, it may be time for Rey Mysterio to hang it up. When was teh last ime he actually used a wrestling hold? He spins and flips around, but his holds and throws do not look real any more. If Rey flips, you bump. That is not wrestling.
It is poor story telling, and if one of his matches look good, it is because of the other guy. Hardcore wrestles cannot avoid realism, so dare I say, the Sandman is a better performer than Rdy. He is at least more believable.
7) And the Main Event Should Be:
Christian versus Del Rio was great, and makes it more likely Alberto will walk out with the belt at Mania. The finish shows that Del Rio cannot be beaten straight up. Also the show closes with the second coming of Eddie Guerrero. Edge's car segment provided up with the lying, cheating and stealing while Del Rio brought the Latino heat. If The Rock fails to deliver, how disappointed will people be if this was not the main event?
TNA 3-10-11: The Return of the One Without the Bass.
Pro
Wrestling is to MMA as Artists are to Hacks.
Smackdown - TMZ Free Wrestling
TNA has been a product I have avoided since they gave up the Monday night run. If wrestling fans know you can change the channel to see more wrestling when WWE is boring you (we all have guys on Raw that we do not encourage by watching), your product will get more attention. Why the guy who did that with WCW would decide to abandon it when they will not abandon Sting and Hogan still perplexes me. Dana White is too big a douche to obtain a roster large enough to run on Mondays, so it is not like Spike TV has any better plans.
Despite I was avoiding TNA; I still had hope for it. They had a nice set of title changes that came out of it. Rob Van Dam was considered the best in the world at one time and is still one of the most athletically gifted. This maybe the mark in me, but he has always been the alternative to the Monday night monsters of New York, so the fans who had been disenchanted by ECW 2 would feel satisfied that he was back on top. He could drop the belt to a TNA star like Desmond Wolfe, Samoa Joe, The Pope, Matt Morgan, and the belt could be elevated, and then end up on Kurt Angle or AJ Styles again.
Instead he defended against a heel Sting and a TNA joke in Abyss before they stripped him of the belt because Dixie Carter has no business running a promotion. To further insult the intelligence of the desperate, the belt gets passed along between the biggest crybabies in the business and ends up on a 52 year-old who only had Internet buzz to justify him winning the belt. I am a Terry Funk mark, so I acknowledged the oldest a world heavyweight champion could be is 53 (Ric Flair's last run came at 51), but the oldest you win the belt if you are not bigger than the business is 41.
Of course, since I did not watch wrestling on cable beyond ROH and Classics on Demand since NXT 1 and TNA on Mondays, my only knowledge of the business came from the IWC and with Mania around the corner, I allowed myself to get caught in the buzz, so Sting being champ did not sound too bad. With the revival of my wrestlephone.com website, it did not seem like my first TNA in close to a year would be too bad. Why I tuned out is still being celebrated, but it was not too intolerable once you get pass the initial insult.
1) Sting calls Jeff Hardy one of the greatest.
Jeff Hardy is one the greatest? The guy should not even be in the business. He washes out every five years. Repeat offenders cannot be given an outlet to abuse again, personal experience.
I am a one-time wash out, so I currently focus on my writing. Do I wish I was back in the ring? Yes, but I know I absolutely have to have my head back together (and maybe steroids and a bench to make up for the bad back, ironic since I had knocked off the suicidal thoughts only to have a disc slipped), and I have never claimed to have lost the love/drive to wrestle.
2) Too many contenders?
With the number of contenders in the opening segment (all being from the end of the WCW era or notorious pricks), if it does not result in a cage match where you must escape at Lockdown, what was the point of having it. Tag Match? Bullocks. I do not think the fans popped for that announcement.
3) A knockout claiming another woman is not a wrestler seems like the pot calling the kettle a runt.
Attending and being allowed to assist with the early Shimmer shows, my standards for women wrestlers maybe a little high. The KO division is based around the Beautiful People, unestablished grapplers with porn star names. It is hard to sell me on their in ring abilities when they act sluttier than the ECW originals (or the second generation exhibitionists), so I do not even tune in. This presentation hurts the women who can work.
Madison Rayne is not necessarily a stripper name, but when you are associated with girls named Velvet and Love, I am immediately reminded of Miss Nude World 2003, Aspen Reign (the softest set of fake boobs I have ever tipped). For Winter's sake, her establishment as a Diva allows us to forget about the dancer association that can come from that name.
3) a. Enough Michael Cole.
New York does not have many female wrestlers, but they know how to groom them. And destroy them.
Michael Cole insulting people, fine. Cole telling us that only the woman wrestlers' families cares if they wrestle or not, bull shit. There is only one Diva match per show and to say it did not matter tells me that McMahon believes woman are inferior. I am not saying their wrestling is worthwhile, and I hope they do not have a match at Mania unless it is Natalya versus Beth Phoenix (I will say I'm sold on LayCool and the Bellas concepts, and Maryse and Melina are decent workers), but as a feminist, WWE has knocked the achievement of women to the 80's.
4) The Tag Team Division.
And why has Team 3D split? And why do we have parking lot brawls (if the fans cannot see it live, it did not happen is my opinion)? So the top contenders are Ink Inc. and the champs are Beer Money. I am glad that Shannon Moore was able to contribute to making something out of the pity case that is Jesse Neal, but Moore is nothing without the OMEGA boys and Neal has not paid his dues. The only good thing about Beer Money is that TNA has stuck with them, but I cannot say they are more than just failed heavyweights.
Neither is greater than the last remaining legendary team. I am just saying it should be Team 3D should be reigning over the division like kings if they are not going to dedicate it to the X-Division.
and to then find out at "Victory Road" that Shannon Moore is going back on his own, more than likely to feud with Neal, it would seem that he is heading back to obscurity. Maybe Three Count will reunite of MTV2.
5) Ric Flair
My only problem with Flair is that he looks like an old man. Not a crazy old man like the Mongolian Stomper, a Funk, or anyone you can find on a $1 DVD at Walmart. He looks like a senior citizen in tights because he is not as big as Hogan or Terry Funk.
This is sad because he has never lost a step. He styles and profiles like no other, he is great on the mic, and I cannot complain about his work. Unfortunately, when you looked like God's gimmick, you cannot afford to lose your physique and trade mark hair.
If you are a new fan and do not know who Flair is, you will only see a withered up old man who is getting the shit kicked out of him. If they wanted to see seniors acting stupid, search YouTube.
The best thing about cable wrestling is WWE Classics On Demand. Ric Flair working on TNA only encourages me to watch old NWA. Still, as a fan of wrestling since 1984 (yes, I'm a Hulkamaniac), I would pay to see the greatest champion live and be in his presence. As for TV it does not do him justice.
Going into Victory Road, I cannot help but expect Hardy regaining his belts. You cannot seriously tell me they have been using that POS since Jeff Hardy introduced it? Mr. Anderson was rewarded for with a disposed douche as recognition of being the best? What could possibly derail this prediction.
Locked Down - If that title doesn't express limitations….
TNA 3-10-11: The Return of the One Without the Bass.
MMA movies may not help promote the movie, especially when the struggling, nonfighting actors seem less enthused than soft core porn actresses. Hams like Bai Ling and Vinnie Jones almost make the feature bearable, but "Locked Down" shows why there is no are to the modern mix martial artist.
Danny Bolan is an undercover detective who has been framed after a messy drug bust. Intent to distribute, laundering, and second degree murder charges have landed him in Blackwood State Penitentiary, the same facility that houses the majority of the felons he has put away. This includes Anton Vargas, the powerful convict who runs the prison and uses it as the headquarters of his underground cage fighting promotion.
Pathetic professional performers and wretched direction make "Locked Down" a complete waste of time. Aside from the named actors, the best thing about the picture is watching UFC fighters trying to act.
You do have to appreciate the acting from Rashaad Evans, Forrest Griffin, and Kimbo Slice. They make themselves larger than life, and maybe able to cut it as pro wrestlers. If only they knew how to make their fake moves look believable.
One would like to think that it was the director's fault since the man could not even film simulated sex well (if it does not involved drunk characters portrayed by Oscar winning actors, it is not supposed to be gritty or von Triers-esque), but you cannot convince us that he did not catch a single punch landing?
This just shows these fighters are barbaric and do not have a mastery of what they do. You can stiff someone and not knock them out. What hurts the argument that MMA will be around forever is that they need to rely on pro wrestling moves to make the film's fights interesting. The worst thing they could have scripted was Kimbo power bombing an opponent. It only indicates that MMA will eventually run out of things to excite the viewership.
With the MMA in the feature being a letdown, the non-MMA elements need to shine, and they do not. The casting is horrid. If your lead actor's only tattoo is a tramp stamp, the audience cannot respect him. Perhaps knowing that is why Tony Schiena makes porn actors look like British thespians. When you cannot get respect, why try to even earn it. Mario Lopez understood that.
"Locked Down" could have been junk food, but turns out to be stale chips. Vinnie Jones is fun and Bail Ling's breast are nice, but the action is wretched with no sense of believability. This guy movie cannot keep a teenage boy involved because the director cannot even frame a set of boobs let alone a scene. If you cannot nail sex and violence, stay away from American entertainment.
Raw Remind: The Dead and Buried List
Locked Down: If that title doesn't express limitations...
I have not been watching WWE or TNA for about a year. The last reasons that I went out of the way to watch the two most financially viable promotions (I cannot with a straight face, or with quotations marks, say the two biggest) was when Panda Energy tried to run on Monday and wanting to witness Bryan Danielson climb to true mega star. After the dealing with my disappointment of them pulling the plug on an idea that kept the promotion they have been trying to emulate until the persons they have in their current creative team buried (Dana White needs to eliminate Strikeforce and his pride to be able to have a large enough roster or programming to convince Spike TV that he can give us Monday programming) and the bullocks that was/is NXT, there were no reasons to watch programming that was not on demand or on HD Net. The dirt sheets sufficed.
Through a clerical error, WRESTLEPHONE.COM survives, so when I decided to want to bury MMA, it only felt fitting to try and bring new life in an old project. Having run out of MMA bashing for the time being, to keep the project on life support, I will have to start watching the basic cable rasslin' programs until White pisses me off again.
So beginning with "Raw," I realized that this PG product is like a nursing home. Acceptable for children, but why would adults want to see their near future? Is it not awkward to explain why the child will no longer see grandma, WCW, Sheamus, NXT, and decency in the upcoming weeks?
1) WCW:
With the Sting let down, I do not see the WWE trying to pay the promotion any further tribute. The Hall of Fame class has, been good thus far, but it was not the one we expected for a show in the heart of Turner country. Shawn Michaels did not fit the optimistic theme, and it is definitely too soon. He was not the best showman, his WCW DVD/DX/Dusty Rhodes promo proved that, and the only thing he did that Bret Hart could not do was a moonsault. And also we should listen to the OMEGA crew for some insight. Hogan and Flair didn't leave that many bad people rubbed wrong when they were inducted.
Back to the topic, Jim Duggan's Canadian stint should be forgotten (despite I liked the concept of the penalty box match), and my most fond Bullet memories are from the Smokey Mountains. I suspect Abdullah The Butcher will make it in since he lives in ATL, but he is really the only WCW guy that will get in. The Road Warriors were better than LOD, but they made their name everywhere.
As for Arn Anderson, Ron Simmons, and Dean Malenko, since they are on the payroll, as long as they have a promise they will get in, I think they will patiently wait for next year. Since WM28 will be in Florida, it seems fitting for Farooq and the Iceman. My biggest disappointment is that there will not be a "Monday Nitro" themed "Raw" in the future.
2) Sheamus:
I hated the excess amount of Taker/HHH blogs, but they could have at least gave Sheamus a role, like how Vladimer Koslov nearly took WM25 away from HBK. Instead they officially killed his push by letting him get trashed by HHH with a nut shot, and then to let an inflexible hence unpushable babyface squash him.
Never thought I'd say it, especially with his complexion, but Orlando maybe a good move. At least you can go out there, be a monster who has proven he was a larger than life Heavyweight Champion.
3) The Third Generation:
NXT is a death sentence.
We have just gotten rid of a Corre/Nexus show down at WM27 with the exclusion
of Michael McGillicutty. My dream of Freebird rules to bring life into the
tag team division is for not, but that pales in my disappointment that the
stars who could remind us of better days are being put out of sight, after
they are already put out of mind by changing everyone's name (being a Hennig
would be more over than a Mic, and it is not like we remember Mike Rotundo
as a Rotundo). What is up Randy Orton's ass that make him feel he needs
to be the only 3rd generation star? That is the only reason why I think
they have never let Ted Dibiase Jr. move out of lower midcard.
And on life support,
the PG rating. Gay jokes beyond two dudes accidently kissing and the derogatory
use of bitch have no place in a Pixar movie. WWE needs to be PG right now
if the IWC likes it or not, but that is another blog.
The Growing Senility of MMA, and McMahon's role as Dr. Jack.
Raw Remind: The Dead and Buried List.
MMA is still entertaining when there is a spectacle to watch, and the only things that are spectacular in the US are the performers. Anderson Silva, George St. Pierre, Fedor Emelianako, and Alistair Overeem are worth $100 (I believe that is what watching the Strikeforce Heavyweight Grand Prix will end up costing me) to see, but who else is exceptional enough to demand that kind of attention?
Brock Lesnar does not understand the sport well enough and relies on being nothing but an athletic freak (hope he watched Silva v. Fedor to know how to handle himself). Lacking skills, he has proven to be incredibly beatable. Frankie Edgar beat the best, but can be out pointed (instead of out fought), and Shogun lacks the mystique of Machida or the attitude of Rampage to make the UFC light heavyweight division exciting. If it was not for the SFHWGP, I would not waste my time with watching big league American MMA.
The best think about American MMA is Bas Rutten. He is the only legend who makes the sport fun (sorry Frank Shamrock, but I do appreciate your effort). Like pro wrestling, the youth movement does not draw (granted there should be a balance between old and youth, go too far the other way you'll have an IFL or worse a Dixie/Russo TNA). I suppose the case in MMA is not that the youth does not draw, but it should not. What makes them unique?
There are no masters of jiu jitsu, muy thai, chute box, wrestling, sambo, judo, etc., etc. Everyone stands up and throws whether they should or not, and a fight only goes to the ground is someone gets rocked. Wrestling is lost as the Division 1 guys use takedowns as a defense instead of offense. Jiu Jitsu is lost as submissions are not encouraged in favor of blood baths on a mat (thank god SF has outlawed elbows on the ground). The arts have been removed from MMA. Thus, I think the sport is less than boxing. At least boxing requires a focus on the sports title, and despite they call the matches fights, fighting is not in its title so decisions are acceptable.
Styles make fights and now everyone has the same style. Pro wrestling suffers from the same problem with only one major promotion. Bryan Danielson does not get to wrestle his style because there are no submission guys (and there have not really been any since the "I quit" match predates the sub bouts), Rey Mysterio is too hurt to be more than a Mexicant, and high flyers get their wings clipped in Florida.
But as I listed before, there are far more styles to make someone scream like a baby before it is shook. It may not win the fight, but the fights will be exciting. Exciting fights make money. If you always give a fight of the night performance, who cares about W's and L's? Those who created American fight systems, but I was never a Militech fan (still bitter about finish of Newton v. Hughes 1. KO instead of choke out my arse).
The only other way to make fights exciting is to have larger than life personas like wrestling, but this is hypocritical of every discipline outside the Cobra Kai. We like to villainize people, but for the sake of sportsmanship, do not try to do that on your own.
And this is why
pro wrestling will bounce back. I have sustained too many concussions (like
every time I sneeze now) had too many surgeries, and have put off far too
many surgeries (and I had had health insurance my entire career) to call
wrestling fake, but it is a WORK of fiction. Fiction is where villains and
antagonist belong. All wrestling needs is the next Austin, Rock, or Hogan
(for the PG fans) to make us forget about MMA. MMA, a sport that has forgotten
its purpose, and will reach terminal stagnancy if they do not return to
why we gave a damn to begin with which is being human simulation of Mega
Python versus Gatoroid.
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